Breast Feeding

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So as most of you know, I have had my baby. I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, Nori, on September 28, 2010. He weighed 7lbs 8ounces. He was 20.5 inches long. He did not come out the conventional way - I had a c-section. I do not regret it because if I had pushed any longer it would have been an emergency c-section and I did not want to put my baby in distress. The labour story itself is very long and amusing at times. I say amusing now because I am not in the moment anymore. I am just glad that I did not go into the delivery room with a set plan in mind because after 45 hours of labor one cannot really be set in stone with their ideals. Babies come out whatever way they want... not what I want.

ANYWAY, this post is about breast feeding. I recently decided not to breast feed. It was not an easy decision but I feel it was the right decision. There are numerous reasons why. My intention was to breast feed for as long as possible. Who knew that 4 weeks was what 'as long as possible' meant. Nori unfortunately swallowed meconium prior to coming out. Sadly his first experience of having anything in his mouth was a tube down his throat sucking out the meconium. So needless to say, when it came to breast feeding, he was having none of it. I felt bad for him and wished to help him work through his trauma but sadly he was unable to tell me how he really felt. I tried to breast feed but had to supplement. After bringing him home I supplemented him on breast milk and formula... My body was not producing anything... and he was not latching properly.

Funny enough, all of the above things they do not go over in the prenatal class... one of the many things I felt lied to about. I just remember the woman telling us that breast feeding is best and throw away the formula because if we use it once then we will remember how easy it was to formula feed with a bottle. Well, given my experience, breast was not best. Not only was he not latching, Nori was reacting poorly to my breast milk. I have no idea why.

So my beef here is not to tell you my sordid story about why I am not breast feeding - almost feeling like I need to justify my reasons to you. My beef here is to really question why people almost judge you for not doing... or at least that's my experience. I almost feel like I have to tell my whole story as to why I'm not breast feeding in order for people to understand or accept what choice I have made. The worst was the doctor. I told her I stopped and she tried to tell me how good it is for babies (like I did not know already) and asked many questions as to why I did not want to breast feed anymore and that breast is best crap. I just looked at her, answered her questions and said I was a formula fed baby and as far as I can tell, I was fine - physically anyway. Being adopted I did not really have a choice as to whether I was breast fed or not... formula was the only option. I felt that my doctor was trying to convince me, without actually saying it, that I was making a mistake and I needed to give it another try. I was not impressed.

Recently, I was at a restaurant and had Nori with me and this woman asked how old he was and he was about 5 weeks at the time and she said her niece just had a baby and was about 6 weeks old. She went on to say how great her niece was breast feeding, tough at first but she showed her how to do it and now it is going so great. My first thought was "who says that?" Of all the things to say, she tells me about her breast feeding niece. It was bizarre.

So here I am with a 6 week old baby that I am unable to breast feed due to circumstances out of my control... it is what it is and I refuse to let other women make me feel bad about it. This is just another experience telling me that we never know why people do what they do or what their circumstances are.

What The???

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I am still pregnant... still sick. yes, I am still sick. I do not, however throw up all the time... just every now and then. I am nauseous every singly day. I have to find out if I have GD (gestational diabetes) but I do get the joy of getting a shot in my butt because I am RH- and my husband is not. I am counting the days down for this.
My husband and I are having a boy. We have picked out a name, you can ask me if you want to know. I won't be posting it here. We have finally organized our 'office' to look a little more presentable for a baby. A family from church gave us a brand new crib. That was awesome and should save us about oh... 300$. We would have bought used anyway but it's at least 50$ we won't have to spend.
We have now moved on to strollers and car seats. Thankfully a friend has graciously given us a brand new car seat that her son has only used for like ten weeks because he grew out it! Talk about a tank of a kid. Haha. Strollers on the other hand are ridiculous. You can buy a stroller for everything. I was thinking about getting one of those red wagon - radio flyers and towing my baby around in that. Although, running with it may prove difficult and I could see the baby bouncing out. Now I've looked at websites describing different usages for strollers. It seems ridiculous to pay $600 for a stroller that you cannot use for the rest of your life. I wonder if the iPad has a stroller application. I would pay for the iPad to get the app. I just do not understand the reason why they have to be so bloody expensive. Even still, I want a website that I can go to where I can click on some options of what I would want the stroller to be and then the website generating some options for me. If you are aware of said website, please let me and the rest of the world know. With the price of strollers, I have expect them to have airbags, hydraulics or a USB connector for my iPod. Sadly, none have these options. So the online window shopping continues.

Preggers... Beware... brutal truth inside.

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Lots of people around me seem to be having babies. I figured if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Dave and I are expecting our first child. We are due Sept 20th or somewhere in and around that date. I never trust the date the doctor gives because it's an estimated date. The only thing I know for sure is that there is only one baby.

So far there is nothing exciting about it. I will give you a minute to pick your jaw up off the keyboard and rid your mind of the negative thoughts you may now have about me. I am a realistic person who will tell you how I feel without sugar coating it. I also risk offending people but remember this is my opinion.


Most women get all teary and gushy over being pregnant and how excited they are. I am not one of these women. Oh wait, I do get teary... while I'm throwing up my wasted food. When I flush the toilet I think "well that was a waste of a bowl of cereal." I swear the baby is sitting there all nice and cushy on my bladder thinking... "I will take this and then punch you in the stomach and make you throw up the rest." I'm fairly used to the routine of getting up in the morning, eating something or drinking a big glass of water, brushing my teeth and then throwing up.

Half the days I feel like I have an eating disorder because I will brush my teeth knowing that as soon as I brush my tongue I will throw up. I purposely do this. Granted, it's because I feel naseaus and the only way to rid of it is to do that. I do not have the dedication to develop and maintain an eating disorder.


My 'girls' hurt more than I ever thought they could. Where is the justice in a big breasted person having more pain than a small breasted person... c'mon, I have more room for everything to settle.

There are some things you will never see posted on my blog or facebook profile... naked belly pictures, 4D ultrasound pictures, updated pregnancy pictures at different weeks so everyone can see how big I am getting, and baby pictures as soon as the baby is born and in my arms (c'mon I don't like how I look without makeup and I don't want others to see it either.) I think naked belly pictures are gross unless taken at the right time... preferrably not at 7-9 months because by then I will be as big as a house with nasty as stretch marks that I don't want to admit are there... granted I would hope my photographer knows how to use photoshop. I believe 4 D ultrasounds are creepy. I have heard people say that you can really see what the baby looks like but if my baby comes out looking like a half sculpted orange piece of playdo, I'm going to be a bit mad. The updated pregnancy pictures I would take and send only to my parents and family. It's not that I don't like them but I just don't want to do it.

Dave and I fully intend on finding out the sex of the baby. I know some people don't want to find out because they will be disappointed when the baby is born or it won't be as big of a surprise... really?? You won't be excited when your baby is born because you already know the sex. Okay Eeyore... "that's okay, I know it's a girl... I found out a few months ago..." I was surprised when I found out I was pregnant. Not because I couldn't get pregnant or that we were trying forever. I was surprised because I was pregnant in general. If you find out the sex and aren't excited when they are born, you may want to get you're head checked. I like to be in as much control as possible. So if finding out the sex allows me to go out and purchase items that are gender appropriate, I will. Plus, I don't want a bunch of clothes that are yellow, green and purple.


So that's my rant for the day/week/month about pregnancy. Don't get me wrong, I am excited but I'm telling you my experience. We find out the sex of the baby at the end of April. I intend on telling people the gender as well as the name we have chosen because what if someone else chooses the same thing...? Then I'd be copying them or them me...