A Year Already!?

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Just over a year ago I had a baby.  I still sit on the couch sometimes watching my son and think "holy crap, I have a baby!" It is still surreal to me.  I have been blessed with such a good baby.  He slept 12 hrs at about 3 months.  There really isn't anything he doesn't eat.  He wakes up happy. More and more he seems like his dad... this gives you some indication of how long I sleep for, what I eat and how I wake up. 

In the past year I have learned a lot about myself - mainly how much I can tolerate or how much I want to tolerate.  As much as Nori is a good sleeper and eater, he does occasionally have a loud crying/screaming fit.  My patience is little to nonexistent when this happens.  While he is audibly screaming, I am silently screaming.  I imagine many things in my head - I won't put them here because someone may call children's services on me.  Let's be honest here... when your child is screaming/crying at 1am and you have fed, changed and tried to comfort them and all they really want is out of their room. How do I know this? He's reaching for the door.  It's frustrating and you think... hmm... how can I shut them up?  One thing I never understood is why parents hit their children for crying - really?? You hit them for crying and guess what?  They are STILL CRYING!!  Stupid.  When I get to the point of frustration in my mind where I am less comforting to him, I say to him  "I am done". I put him in his crib and walk away. Sometimes my husband goes in but we wait a few minutes and he's out. I should feel so honoured and loved that someone intensely cries just so they can spend more time with me - my husband doesn't even do that. But I don't feel honoured... I feel tired.  It's one thing when I inflict staying up late upon myself but when my child does it... not cool.

At about 6-8 months, when my son started crawling and pulling himself up on everything, it was time to teach him what not to touch.  The television and everything connected to it, was one of those things.  At first we would tell him no - remove him from the area... no - remove him from the area... no - remove him from the area. I typically like to give him a choice to move at first but I don't think he understands.  Although, he will look at me while I am telling him no and (while still looking at me) he will reach out his chubby finger and poke the speaker.  A friend told me they use the word 'stop' instead of no because they don't want their child yelling no to them all the time and No will be used in times of real concern or danger.  GREAT IDEA!  So, my husband and I have implemented this. Now I sound like I'm sending a telegram.

"Nori. Stop. Please don't touch that. Stop. Nori. stop. don't touch the speakers. stop."

Our son was really good at not touching the television or speakers.  We had a friend come over with their son and they were 'playing together' - as much as a 10-11 month old can play with one another - just mainly consists of taking toys from one another and poking one another in the eye or smacking one another in the head/face.  So my friend's son decided to touch and almost rip down our speaker - this is not a big deal to me because it's replaceable but if my son was in someone else's home I would expect him to not touch it. Since this happened, my son has consistently been going towards the speakers and television touching and pulling on them. It took months to 'train' him and about 5 seconds to destroy that.  He rarely ever touched the television but he has recently started.  In my heart of heart I fully believe he thinks it's one big iPad.  He will touch it with one finger and when it doesn't do anything, the smack down comes out.  So for the next few months it will be 

"Nori, Stop. It's not an iPad. Stop. You aren't supposed to touch the TV. Stop"

Dilemma

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Here's a dilemma I have.. I want to blog about certain topics/people but find myself feeling guilty about posting negative things about them. They are mostly about celebrities. I found myself writing a post about how self involved Oprah was and I had to delete it because I felt bad and thought "what if she reads this?" Like she would ever read this blog. She's busy running a magazine, OWNing a Network, and saving the world one car/trip at a time.

So I ask, what do you do?? Do you just say forget it and blog away anyway or do you find something more inspiring to write about? Tonight, I have chosen the later.

I find that the world is getting more worse everyday. I would like to think there is more positivity out there; More stories out there of people helping strangers in the house next door or in the country across the ocean. But all I read is crap about the Royal Wedding (which to some may give hope of happily ever afters being real), Celebrities who are only famous because they happen to be in the right place at the right time, war, lying politicians, etc. Don't get me wrong, I have seen the generosities of thousands donating money to Japan relief or whatever the devestation of the day is. I don't mean to sound crass about it but it appears that we (generalization) tend to help more when it is something so terrible... why can we not help our neighbour who cannot carry the groceries to their door? or the person crying in the cafeteria?

My goal is to look for the positive story and to share it with you. Positive stories that DO NOT involve celebrities that seem to only want to boost their own egos or reputation. You know, the ones who happen to be interviewed about their 'good cause' *ahem* Oprah. Well, I like the silent heroes. The ones who go without being noticed or go without recognition from their friends, family or world.

To start, here is a story that I love.

The irony in this story is that Oprah is the inspiration behind this. She had an episode where she gave her audience members $1000 to do whatever they wanted with it as long as they helped someone. A lot of people were inspired to do something good that were NOT on the show. One person in particular, who for legal reasons we shall call Lucy, was moved by Oprah's gesture and decided she would raise $1000 to help someone in her community. She managed to find friends in her circle willing to donate $100 each. Lucy managed to get over $1000.

Once she received all this money she was excited to start doing something with it. She thought of donating to the Food Bank, homeless Shelters etc. Then as if inspiration struck her, she contacted someone in her church and asked about a few families in need. The families needed to write out a wish list and Lucy would do her best to try and buy for one of the families she had chosen. In the end Lucy had the wish lists of 3 families to choose from.

With the money she received she was able to choose all 3 families and buy them pretty much everything on their wish list. Lucy loved being able to shop with other people's money but more to buy toys, jewellery and clothes for people she did not know very well. She was not the best gift wrapper in the world but she took care in wrapping each gift and when she saw a little girl wearing a necklace she had bought for one of the families she was overjoyed. The families never knew what she had done and to this day do not know. The best part is that she knows she was able to make some wishes come true that Christmas.

Some could look at this as what Christmas should mean (other than Jesus of course) but I look at this as a pretty good example of pure charity. Lucy thought nothing of herself but more about those families. She could have chosen just one family but she chose all three families. In her heart of hearts she hopes those families will always remember that Christmas and in some way pay it forward to others.

Just Breathe

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There are moments in life when we are forced to stop (figuratively speaking). They cause that unforgettable lump in our throat that no matter how hard we try we cannot swallow it away. This morning I find myself trying desperately to swallow the lump away but it remains. There generally are no words that really convey how one feels when death occurs. Often times we say "unbelievable" or "tragic" or something of the like.

Tears are streaming down my face and yet they are not my tears. They belong to those affected by moments and events in time that forever change them. Even within the midst of death and other tragedies there is a light and a hope. A hope for a better tomorrow, a better outcome. A hope that those of us still here have enough time to make wrongs right and to love others more. A hope for healing. We cannot live in the past - it is gone. We need to live for the future because that is what is ahead. I want to make my 'right now' matter and memorable. I sometimes pause and take a mental picture in my mind - I even blink longer. I find myself going into my son's bedroom at night to "check on him" but I just like to stare at him and see how peaceful he is - not a care in the world. I hug him a little longer. Never has there been anything that has brought this much joy and love into my life.

I have always been grateful for the trials in my life because they bring me back to the centre. They make me stronger and able to help others. I am grateful to believe that there is life after death - there is joy. I am grateful that when I married my husband that I did this for eternity and that my family will be together after we die. I know that I cannot guarantee I will be here tomorrow. So I live for today. I live for my family.

My husband bought me a ring recently and he wanted to save it for a special occasion. I discovered the purchase on our Visa statement by accident when looking over bills. He gave it to me anyway (after my excitable begging to have it now) - there were no flowers or a special dinner that he planned. I was okay with this because we do not know what is going to happen tomorrow. Dave may have planned an elaborate evening but what if... So if you have a bottle of wine or something similar waiting for a special occasion - that occasion is today. Open it up and celebrate whatever you want. This is one of my favourite songs.

I think God wants us to stop and sometimes the only way to do that is through hard times. I hope that I am not compelled to stop but rather do it of my accord. I write this post with all the intentions of heart to enjoy life and to not worry about menial things like how clean my house is or if the weather will be nice tomorrow. Ralph Waldo Emerson said "it's not the length of life, but the depth."

Clean Slate of Sorts

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Always with the start of a new year we think of the past year and all the things we loved and hated. For me, I never want to live with regrets. Even with mistakes I have made, I never regret making them. They have made me who I am and I am happy with that. So instead of making resolutions for the year (which I hate) I have a word for the year and a phrase.

When thinking up my word for the year and my phrase of the year I really had to look at where and what I want to be. First, there are moments of deja vu and I think "I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now" which means that everything is as it should be. I believe that everything happens for a reason - good and bad. We make a choice on how we react to those situations - positively or negatively. I choose to make lemonade out of my lemons. This is how I came to my decision for the Phrase and Word

2011 Word of the Year: Patience

If anyone can attest to my patience, or lack therof, it's my husband. He likes to tell me often how I do not have a lot of patience. The place in which my patience is severly lacking is in the car. Seriously, there are some morons out there driving in their cars. Most of them happen to be on their phones chatting or texting. This has become a HUGE pet peeve of mine. Since having a baby I have realized how much patience I lacked and how much I have gained. That seems funny but seriously when Nori is angry and crying up a storm, I ahve really learned to breathe deep.

I will hopefully breathe deep when working out 3x a week and not seeing the results I want and try to remember that everyone is different and those skinny b@#!$#^ out there just have good genes.

I will try not to just get through the day or rush through something because before I realize Nori will be walking and telling me off for grounding him. I intend to enjoy more of the moments and take pictures of them in my mind to recall at times of impatience.

I will take time to myself to read and meditate in whatever way is comfortable to me. I do not intend to sit in a position and say "ohm" but I intend to be still at times other than sleeping.

2011 Phrase of the Year: I choose to be...

My phrase of the year is really something I tend to live by. When I was in my 20s I remember someone saying nobody can make you angry, you choose to be angry. There are a number of situations in my life in which I could have chosen to be angry. Anger has a way of controlling you in the same way that happiness does but often times when we are happy we don't realize it.

I choose to be happy.

I choose to angry.

I choose to be sad.

I choose to make the best out of every bad situation I am in.

I choose to let my husband win at video games - it's good for his ego.

I choose to laugh.

I choose to be present in my life.

I choose to stop and smell the roses.