There are moments in life when we are forced to stop (figuratively speaking). They cause that unforgettable lump in our throat that no matter how hard we try we cannot swallow it away. This morning I find myself trying desperately to swallow the lump away but it remains. There generally are no words that really convey how one feels when death occurs. Often times we say "unbelievable" or "tragic" or something of the like.
Tears are streaming down my face and yet they are not my tears. They belong to those affected by moments and events in time that forever change them. Even within the midst of death and other tragedies there is a light and a hope. A hope for a better tomorrow, a better outcome. A hope that those of us still here have enough time to make wrongs right and to love others more. A hope for healing. We cannot live in the past - it is gone. We need to live for the future because that is what is ahead. I want to make my 'right now' matter and memorable. I sometimes pause and take a mental picture in my mind - I even blink longer. I find myself going into my son's bedroom at night to "check on him" but I just like to stare at him and see how peaceful he is - not a care in the world. I hug him a little longer. Never has there been anything that has brought this much joy and love into my life.
I have always been grateful for the trials in my life because they bring me back to the centre. They make me stronger and able to help others. I am grateful to believe that there is life after death - there is joy. I am grateful that when I married my husband that I did this for eternity and that my family will be together after we die. I know that I cannot guarantee I will be here tomorrow. So I live for today. I live for my family.
My husband bought me a ring recently and he wanted to save it for a special occasion. I discovered the purchase on our Visa statement by accident when looking over bills. He gave it to me anyway (after my excitable begging to have it now) - there were no flowers or a special dinner that he planned. I was okay with this because we do not know what is going to happen tomorrow. Dave may have planned an elaborate evening but what if... So if you have a bottle of wine or something similar waiting for a special occasion - that occasion is today. Open it up and celebrate whatever you want. This is one of my favourite songs.
I think God wants us to stop and sometimes the only way to do that is through hard times. I hope that I am not compelled to stop but rather do it of my accord. I write this post with all the intentions of heart to enjoy life and to not worry about menial things like how clean my house is or if the weather will be nice tomorrow. Ralph Waldo Emerson said "it's not the length of life, but the depth."
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