A Year Already!?

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Just over a year ago I had a baby.  I still sit on the couch sometimes watching my son and think "holy crap, I have a baby!" It is still surreal to me.  I have been blessed with such a good baby.  He slept 12 hrs at about 3 months.  There really isn't anything he doesn't eat.  He wakes up happy. More and more he seems like his dad... this gives you some indication of how long I sleep for, what I eat and how I wake up. 

In the past year I have learned a lot about myself - mainly how much I can tolerate or how much I want to tolerate.  As much as Nori is a good sleeper and eater, he does occasionally have a loud crying/screaming fit.  My patience is little to nonexistent when this happens.  While he is audibly screaming, I am silently screaming.  I imagine many things in my head - I won't put them here because someone may call children's services on me.  Let's be honest here... when your child is screaming/crying at 1am and you have fed, changed and tried to comfort them and all they really want is out of their room. How do I know this? He's reaching for the door.  It's frustrating and you think... hmm... how can I shut them up?  One thing I never understood is why parents hit their children for crying - really?? You hit them for crying and guess what?  They are STILL CRYING!!  Stupid.  When I get to the point of frustration in my mind where I am less comforting to him, I say to him  "I am done". I put him in his crib and walk away. Sometimes my husband goes in but we wait a few minutes and he's out. I should feel so honoured and loved that someone intensely cries just so they can spend more time with me - my husband doesn't even do that. But I don't feel honoured... I feel tired.  It's one thing when I inflict staying up late upon myself but when my child does it... not cool.

At about 6-8 months, when my son started crawling and pulling himself up on everything, it was time to teach him what not to touch.  The television and everything connected to it, was one of those things.  At first we would tell him no - remove him from the area... no - remove him from the area... no - remove him from the area. I typically like to give him a choice to move at first but I don't think he understands.  Although, he will look at me while I am telling him no and (while still looking at me) he will reach out his chubby finger and poke the speaker.  A friend told me they use the word 'stop' instead of no because they don't want their child yelling no to them all the time and No will be used in times of real concern or danger.  GREAT IDEA!  So, my husband and I have implemented this. Now I sound like I'm sending a telegram.

"Nori. Stop. Please don't touch that. Stop. Nori. stop. don't touch the speakers. stop."

Our son was really good at not touching the television or speakers.  We had a friend come over with their son and they were 'playing together' - as much as a 10-11 month old can play with one another - just mainly consists of taking toys from one another and poking one another in the eye or smacking one another in the head/face.  So my friend's son decided to touch and almost rip down our speaker - this is not a big deal to me because it's replaceable but if my son was in someone else's home I would expect him to not touch it. Since this happened, my son has consistently been going towards the speakers and television touching and pulling on them. It took months to 'train' him and about 5 seconds to destroy that.  He rarely ever touched the television but he has recently started.  In my heart of heart I fully believe he thinks it's one big iPad.  He will touch it with one finger and when it doesn't do anything, the smack down comes out.  So for the next few months it will be 

"Nori, Stop. It's not an iPad. Stop. You aren't supposed to touch the TV. Stop"

Dilemma

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Here's a dilemma I have.. I want to blog about certain topics/people but find myself feeling guilty about posting negative things about them. They are mostly about celebrities. I found myself writing a post about how self involved Oprah was and I had to delete it because I felt bad and thought "what if she reads this?" Like she would ever read this blog. She's busy running a magazine, OWNing a Network, and saving the world one car/trip at a time.

So I ask, what do you do?? Do you just say forget it and blog away anyway or do you find something more inspiring to write about? Tonight, I have chosen the later.

I find that the world is getting more worse everyday. I would like to think there is more positivity out there; More stories out there of people helping strangers in the house next door or in the country across the ocean. But all I read is crap about the Royal Wedding (which to some may give hope of happily ever afters being real), Celebrities who are only famous because they happen to be in the right place at the right time, war, lying politicians, etc. Don't get me wrong, I have seen the generosities of thousands donating money to Japan relief or whatever the devestation of the day is. I don't mean to sound crass about it but it appears that we (generalization) tend to help more when it is something so terrible... why can we not help our neighbour who cannot carry the groceries to their door? or the person crying in the cafeteria?

My goal is to look for the positive story and to share it with you. Positive stories that DO NOT involve celebrities that seem to only want to boost their own egos or reputation. You know, the ones who happen to be interviewed about their 'good cause' *ahem* Oprah. Well, I like the silent heroes. The ones who go without being noticed or go without recognition from their friends, family or world.

To start, here is a story that I love.

The irony in this story is that Oprah is the inspiration behind this. She had an episode where she gave her audience members $1000 to do whatever they wanted with it as long as they helped someone. A lot of people were inspired to do something good that were NOT on the show. One person in particular, who for legal reasons we shall call Lucy, was moved by Oprah's gesture and decided she would raise $1000 to help someone in her community. She managed to find friends in her circle willing to donate $100 each. Lucy managed to get over $1000.

Once she received all this money she was excited to start doing something with it. She thought of donating to the Food Bank, homeless Shelters etc. Then as if inspiration struck her, she contacted someone in her church and asked about a few families in need. The families needed to write out a wish list and Lucy would do her best to try and buy for one of the families she had chosen. In the end Lucy had the wish lists of 3 families to choose from.

With the money she received she was able to choose all 3 families and buy them pretty much everything on their wish list. Lucy loved being able to shop with other people's money but more to buy toys, jewellery and clothes for people she did not know very well. She was not the best gift wrapper in the world but she took care in wrapping each gift and when she saw a little girl wearing a necklace she had bought for one of the families she was overjoyed. The families never knew what she had done and to this day do not know. The best part is that she knows she was able to make some wishes come true that Christmas.

Some could look at this as what Christmas should mean (other than Jesus of course) but I look at this as a pretty good example of pure charity. Lucy thought nothing of herself but more about those families. She could have chosen just one family but she chose all three families. In her heart of hearts she hopes those families will always remember that Christmas and in some way pay it forward to others.

Just Breathe

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There are moments in life when we are forced to stop (figuratively speaking). They cause that unforgettable lump in our throat that no matter how hard we try we cannot swallow it away. This morning I find myself trying desperately to swallow the lump away but it remains. There generally are no words that really convey how one feels when death occurs. Often times we say "unbelievable" or "tragic" or something of the like.

Tears are streaming down my face and yet they are not my tears. They belong to those affected by moments and events in time that forever change them. Even within the midst of death and other tragedies there is a light and a hope. A hope for a better tomorrow, a better outcome. A hope that those of us still here have enough time to make wrongs right and to love others more. A hope for healing. We cannot live in the past - it is gone. We need to live for the future because that is what is ahead. I want to make my 'right now' matter and memorable. I sometimes pause and take a mental picture in my mind - I even blink longer. I find myself going into my son's bedroom at night to "check on him" but I just like to stare at him and see how peaceful he is - not a care in the world. I hug him a little longer. Never has there been anything that has brought this much joy and love into my life.

I have always been grateful for the trials in my life because they bring me back to the centre. They make me stronger and able to help others. I am grateful to believe that there is life after death - there is joy. I am grateful that when I married my husband that I did this for eternity and that my family will be together after we die. I know that I cannot guarantee I will be here tomorrow. So I live for today. I live for my family.

My husband bought me a ring recently and he wanted to save it for a special occasion. I discovered the purchase on our Visa statement by accident when looking over bills. He gave it to me anyway (after my excitable begging to have it now) - there were no flowers or a special dinner that he planned. I was okay with this because we do not know what is going to happen tomorrow. Dave may have planned an elaborate evening but what if... So if you have a bottle of wine or something similar waiting for a special occasion - that occasion is today. Open it up and celebrate whatever you want. This is one of my favourite songs.

I think God wants us to stop and sometimes the only way to do that is through hard times. I hope that I am not compelled to stop but rather do it of my accord. I write this post with all the intentions of heart to enjoy life and to not worry about menial things like how clean my house is or if the weather will be nice tomorrow. Ralph Waldo Emerson said "it's not the length of life, but the depth."

Clean Slate of Sorts

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Always with the start of a new year we think of the past year and all the things we loved and hated. For me, I never want to live with regrets. Even with mistakes I have made, I never regret making them. They have made me who I am and I am happy with that. So instead of making resolutions for the year (which I hate) I have a word for the year and a phrase.

When thinking up my word for the year and my phrase of the year I really had to look at where and what I want to be. First, there are moments of deja vu and I think "I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now" which means that everything is as it should be. I believe that everything happens for a reason - good and bad. We make a choice on how we react to those situations - positively or negatively. I choose to make lemonade out of my lemons. This is how I came to my decision for the Phrase and Word

2011 Word of the Year: Patience

If anyone can attest to my patience, or lack therof, it's my husband. He likes to tell me often how I do not have a lot of patience. The place in which my patience is severly lacking is in the car. Seriously, there are some morons out there driving in their cars. Most of them happen to be on their phones chatting or texting. This has become a HUGE pet peeve of mine. Since having a baby I have realized how much patience I lacked and how much I have gained. That seems funny but seriously when Nori is angry and crying up a storm, I ahve really learned to breathe deep.

I will hopefully breathe deep when working out 3x a week and not seeing the results I want and try to remember that everyone is different and those skinny b@#!$#^ out there just have good genes.

I will try not to just get through the day or rush through something because before I realize Nori will be walking and telling me off for grounding him. I intend to enjoy more of the moments and take pictures of them in my mind to recall at times of impatience.

I will take time to myself to read and meditate in whatever way is comfortable to me. I do not intend to sit in a position and say "ohm" but I intend to be still at times other than sleeping.

2011 Phrase of the Year: I choose to be...

My phrase of the year is really something I tend to live by. When I was in my 20s I remember someone saying nobody can make you angry, you choose to be angry. There are a number of situations in my life in which I could have chosen to be angry. Anger has a way of controlling you in the same way that happiness does but often times when we are happy we don't realize it.

I choose to be happy.

I choose to angry.

I choose to be sad.

I choose to make the best out of every bad situation I am in.

I choose to let my husband win at video games - it's good for his ego.

I choose to laugh.

I choose to be present in my life.

I choose to stop and smell the roses.

Breast Feeding

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So as most of you know, I have had my baby. I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, Nori, on September 28, 2010. He weighed 7lbs 8ounces. He was 20.5 inches long. He did not come out the conventional way - I had a c-section. I do not regret it because if I had pushed any longer it would have been an emergency c-section and I did not want to put my baby in distress. The labour story itself is very long and amusing at times. I say amusing now because I am not in the moment anymore. I am just glad that I did not go into the delivery room with a set plan in mind because after 45 hours of labor one cannot really be set in stone with their ideals. Babies come out whatever way they want... not what I want.

ANYWAY, this post is about breast feeding. I recently decided not to breast feed. It was not an easy decision but I feel it was the right decision. There are numerous reasons why. My intention was to breast feed for as long as possible. Who knew that 4 weeks was what 'as long as possible' meant. Nori unfortunately swallowed meconium prior to coming out. Sadly his first experience of having anything in his mouth was a tube down his throat sucking out the meconium. So needless to say, when it came to breast feeding, he was having none of it. I felt bad for him and wished to help him work through his trauma but sadly he was unable to tell me how he really felt. I tried to breast feed but had to supplement. After bringing him home I supplemented him on breast milk and formula... My body was not producing anything... and he was not latching properly.

Funny enough, all of the above things they do not go over in the prenatal class... one of the many things I felt lied to about. I just remember the woman telling us that breast feeding is best and throw away the formula because if we use it once then we will remember how easy it was to formula feed with a bottle. Well, given my experience, breast was not best. Not only was he not latching, Nori was reacting poorly to my breast milk. I have no idea why.

So my beef here is not to tell you my sordid story about why I am not breast feeding - almost feeling like I need to justify my reasons to you. My beef here is to really question why people almost judge you for not doing... or at least that's my experience. I almost feel like I have to tell my whole story as to why I'm not breast feeding in order for people to understand or accept what choice I have made. The worst was the doctor. I told her I stopped and she tried to tell me how good it is for babies (like I did not know already) and asked many questions as to why I did not want to breast feed anymore and that breast is best crap. I just looked at her, answered her questions and said I was a formula fed baby and as far as I can tell, I was fine - physically anyway. Being adopted I did not really have a choice as to whether I was breast fed or not... formula was the only option. I felt that my doctor was trying to convince me, without actually saying it, that I was making a mistake and I needed to give it another try. I was not impressed.

Recently, I was at a restaurant and had Nori with me and this woman asked how old he was and he was about 5 weeks at the time and she said her niece just had a baby and was about 6 weeks old. She went on to say how great her niece was breast feeding, tough at first but she showed her how to do it and now it is going so great. My first thought was "who says that?" Of all the things to say, she tells me about her breast feeding niece. It was bizarre.

So here I am with a 6 week old baby that I am unable to breast feed due to circumstances out of my control... it is what it is and I refuse to let other women make me feel bad about it. This is just another experience telling me that we never know why people do what they do or what their circumstances are.

What The???

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I am still pregnant... still sick. yes, I am still sick. I do not, however throw up all the time... just every now and then. I am nauseous every singly day. I have to find out if I have GD (gestational diabetes) but I do get the joy of getting a shot in my butt because I am RH- and my husband is not. I am counting the days down for this.
My husband and I are having a boy. We have picked out a name, you can ask me if you want to know. I won't be posting it here. We have finally organized our 'office' to look a little more presentable for a baby. A family from church gave us a brand new crib. That was awesome and should save us about oh... 300$. We would have bought used anyway but it's at least 50$ we won't have to spend.
We have now moved on to strollers and car seats. Thankfully a friend has graciously given us a brand new car seat that her son has only used for like ten weeks because he grew out it! Talk about a tank of a kid. Haha. Strollers on the other hand are ridiculous. You can buy a stroller for everything. I was thinking about getting one of those red wagon - radio flyers and towing my baby around in that. Although, running with it may prove difficult and I could see the baby bouncing out. Now I've looked at websites describing different usages for strollers. It seems ridiculous to pay $600 for a stroller that you cannot use for the rest of your life. I wonder if the iPad has a stroller application. I would pay for the iPad to get the app. I just do not understand the reason why they have to be so bloody expensive. Even still, I want a website that I can go to where I can click on some options of what I would want the stroller to be and then the website generating some options for me. If you are aware of said website, please let me and the rest of the world know. With the price of strollers, I have expect them to have airbags, hydraulics or a USB connector for my iPod. Sadly, none have these options. So the online window shopping continues.

Preggers... Beware... brutal truth inside.

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Lots of people around me seem to be having babies. I figured if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Dave and I are expecting our first child. We are due Sept 20th or somewhere in and around that date. I never trust the date the doctor gives because it's an estimated date. The only thing I know for sure is that there is only one baby.

So far there is nothing exciting about it. I will give you a minute to pick your jaw up off the keyboard and rid your mind of the negative thoughts you may now have about me. I am a realistic person who will tell you how I feel without sugar coating it. I also risk offending people but remember this is my opinion.


Most women get all teary and gushy over being pregnant and how excited they are. I am not one of these women. Oh wait, I do get teary... while I'm throwing up my wasted food. When I flush the toilet I think "well that was a waste of a bowl of cereal." I swear the baby is sitting there all nice and cushy on my bladder thinking... "I will take this and then punch you in the stomach and make you throw up the rest." I'm fairly used to the routine of getting up in the morning, eating something or drinking a big glass of water, brushing my teeth and then throwing up.

Half the days I feel like I have an eating disorder because I will brush my teeth knowing that as soon as I brush my tongue I will throw up. I purposely do this. Granted, it's because I feel naseaus and the only way to rid of it is to do that. I do not have the dedication to develop and maintain an eating disorder.


My 'girls' hurt more than I ever thought they could. Where is the justice in a big breasted person having more pain than a small breasted person... c'mon, I have more room for everything to settle.

There are some things you will never see posted on my blog or facebook profile... naked belly pictures, 4D ultrasound pictures, updated pregnancy pictures at different weeks so everyone can see how big I am getting, and baby pictures as soon as the baby is born and in my arms (c'mon I don't like how I look without makeup and I don't want others to see it either.) I think naked belly pictures are gross unless taken at the right time... preferrably not at 7-9 months because by then I will be as big as a house with nasty as stretch marks that I don't want to admit are there... granted I would hope my photographer knows how to use photoshop. I believe 4 D ultrasounds are creepy. I have heard people say that you can really see what the baby looks like but if my baby comes out looking like a half sculpted orange piece of playdo, I'm going to be a bit mad. The updated pregnancy pictures I would take and send only to my parents and family. It's not that I don't like them but I just don't want to do it.

Dave and I fully intend on finding out the sex of the baby. I know some people don't want to find out because they will be disappointed when the baby is born or it won't be as big of a surprise... really?? You won't be excited when your baby is born because you already know the sex. Okay Eeyore... "that's okay, I know it's a girl... I found out a few months ago..." I was surprised when I found out I was pregnant. Not because I couldn't get pregnant or that we were trying forever. I was surprised because I was pregnant in general. If you find out the sex and aren't excited when they are born, you may want to get you're head checked. I like to be in as much control as possible. So if finding out the sex allows me to go out and purchase items that are gender appropriate, I will. Plus, I don't want a bunch of clothes that are yellow, green and purple.


So that's my rant for the day/week/month about pregnancy. Don't get me wrong, I am excited but I'm telling you my experience. We find out the sex of the baby at the end of April. I intend on telling people the gender as well as the name we have chosen because what if someone else chooses the same thing...? Then I'd be copying them or them me...

Have to Get This Off My Chest

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Most of you know that my blog is really just a rant and rave. I do not generally update about the goings on in my life. I can if you want to but I find the other option more of an interesting read.

Below I have a list of apologies that I have come up with recently. Some are through my own experience (work mainly)and others are what I see going on for others. Some are related to people who cannot think outside of themselves. I am even sure some of you can relate to these.

I apologize for getting married and not hanging out with you the next day.
I apologize for allowing a family death to interfere with what was going on in your life.
I apologize for allowing my own health to interfere with your party.
I apologize for family staying over at the house and invading your space and needing somewhere to stay while they watched a loved one die.
I apologize that you are unable to be upset and angry with the people you should really be upset and angry with and are taking it out on me.
I apologize for my insensitivity through life and hope one day I can only be half the person you are and move past things as quick as you can.
I apologize that it took me too long to RSVP to your birthday.
I apologize for being busy and forgetting to do things. I know it must be hard to remember everything that needs to be done and never forget anything. I admire this quality the most about you.
I apologize for being honest. Next time I will beat around the bush and lie about how I feel.
I apologize for getting laid off work and finding it impossible to buy you a gift and wanting to save the embarassment of showing up to a party without one.
I apologize for not being a mind reader and knowing when you need help and support. As well as not being able to read your mind and understand exactly why you are angry.
I apologize for not finding you a doctor to get you medication for your borderline personality disorder.
I apologize for not being there for you enough. I will make an effort to call, text, and email everyday so I do not miss an opportunity to be supportive to you or offer help.
I apologize for not getting over things and I promise not to bring up things that have already been dealt with and be mad about it all over again.
I apologize for wanting to mend a friendship of over ten years now and not in two months when it seem convenient to you. I will leave my
I apologize for not thinking about you all day long and realizing the world revolves around you.
I apologize for how screwed up your life is and take full responsibility for your actions that caused it to be the way it is.


Wow... I feel better now that I have apologized to everyone. :)

Living Past 100

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For those of you who want to live past 100 years old, put your hand up. Me neither.
I was watching TV the other day and saw a clip for an upcoming Oprah show about defying age and living past 100. Apparently there is a diet that can help in this process.
My first thought/reaction to this was: why are people so afraid to let themselves age naturally? C'mon. Let your body do what it is supposed to do. This fountain of youth crap is dumb.

Most of this age defying life extension diet comes down to eating healthy. Wow, what a concept. Eating food that is good for you helps you live longer? I hope CNN is on top of this one. The other thing that these people do is calorie restriction. Honestly, I don't have the time to limit my caloric intake. I enjoy food and I enjoy eating good food. I'm not a hoarder when it comes to food and I eat what I know will be good for me. I drink Youth Juice to help me get my essential vitamins and nutrients everyday. Let's be honest, it is almost impossible to get all the servings of fruits and veggies you need in one day. I find I waste more than I actually consume. Since I started drinking the juice I have not been sick.

Aside from that, if I did make it to 100 years old I'd probably be moving slower than molasses in the winter or in a nursing home. Neither of which appeal to me in the least degree. I realized this morning that if I died tomorrow, I'd be okay with it. I'm sure I'd have a lot to answer to for when God judged me but I feel I lived a full life and am proud of my accoplishments. Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking to die tomorrow. I'd be happy to see retirement and travel a bit more.

I honestly try and live in such a way that if I did die tomorrow I would not have any regrets and feel good about the things I did for myself and others. I never want to walk away from life thinking "I wish I had ________."

I Love Technology

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Technology is every where you go and every day that passes there is something newer, faster, smaller, better.

My husband and I have a PVR - like a Tivo. We, or rather I, LOVE it! We can record whatever shows we want and watch them whenver. I love being able to fast forward through commercials because then I'm really not up for another hour watching something... I'm up for maybe 40-45 minutes.
There are two problems I have encountered with having a PVR:

First, the purpose of PVR, for me, is to record something and watch it when I am able or to record two shows at once. I stay up later watching a show I know I can watch tomorrow. I know the show will still be there tomorrow but on some level I suffer from FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) and need to know what happens right then. Somehow I justify staying up later by saying to myself that I would be staying up even later had I not recorded the show, at least I can ffwd through commercials. It's really stupid but that's what I do.

Second - I feel like I should be able to fast forward through everything and find myself looking for the fast forward button or actively thinking "I need to ffwd" before I realise not everything is capable of this. For example, the radio.



The other device I have that I absolutely love is my iTouch. I love the applications I can put on it and the fact that I don't need a button to push but I just touch the screen and it does what I want (for the most part). The problem is obvious. I touch screens other than my iTouch expecting the same outcome. My work cell phone doesn't even have a camera on it and I try to access settings by touching the small one inch screen. I have found myself at my computer making the motion to swipe or push an icon and then a voice says "hey moron, you can't do that..." Not yet anyway.

Phone Calls.

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A friend recently posted something on their blog related to phone calls in the middle of the night and why they are completely unnecessary. I have a bit of OCD when it comes to certain things in my life such as, making sure the car is locked even though I heard it beep I will press it at least two more times. I also double check and triple check my call forward number just in case I am forwarding my phone to the wrong number.
This second OCD habit is what my post is about. Years back I was having a telephone conversation with my mom when I got another call on the other line. It was some person with the wrong number and I politely told them, sorry you have the wrong number. They apologized and I went back to my mom. A few minutes later I received another call. I went over to the other line and this time it was a guy asking for the same girl. I told them again they had the wrong number. I told them what number they were calling and hung up.
I return to my conversation to my mom which had now changed to the morons who can't dial a number correctly. I get another call. This time, I kid you not, it's the operator. These people called the friggin' operator to make sure I had the right number. it was then that I suggested, "hmm, maybe their 'friend' forwarded their phone to the wrong number." I again told the operator my phone number. I went back to my mom and continued our conversation only to get another call on the other line. This time it was the 'owner' of the phone number calling. She told me she forwarded her phone accidentally to mine... "no kidding". She then asked me if I could tell her who called... almost like asking if she had any messages. I'm thinking "are you kidding me?" I told her I didn't know. She then asked what the guy sounded like. There are no words...

Blog Title

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My attempt to drum up some ideas for a blog title sort of flopped. I was hoping for something unique and somewhat crazy. I opted out of calling it something related to my last name because I work for child welfare and there are a lot of crazies out there and I'd prefer not to be that accessible on the internet.

Anyway, so my new blog title will be (drum roll please)... something uneventful and unexciting... 

My Antics.  I just came up with it now.  Enjoy it.

Blog title

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So I am in need of a new blog title. I didn't like my last one and would like something catchy, funny, witty, etc... I need your help.
Please, comment and provide the best one you can come up. I will then post a new blog and have people vote. the one with the most votes wins. Any titles that are demeaning, derogatory, or offensive in any way, will not be included (you never know).

Death

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Have you ever noticed the way society talks about death or someone who has died. Obituaries do not state that John Doe died on such and such date; they say he passed on or is deceased. The best I have heard though is ‘expired’. I can't help but think “are we now like food that passes it’s expiration date?” I feel somehow this takes away from the beauty found in death and the reality in death. Yes, I did say beauty.
My husband’s step mother, Danna, died May 27, 2008. She was 50 at the time. She appeared to get rapidly sick but not sick with the flu. Her mood, speech, and some basic skills were declining. Like some doctors I have come across, he or she prescribed an anti depressant to fix Danna’s problem. Unfortunately they waited two to three weeks to see if there were any changes. Of course, there were no changes. It turned out she had a brain tumor. The location was not typical; it was located more in the brain rather than on top. They operated on the tumor and took out a good portion of it but in a matter of days it was back to the size it was prior to the surgery. She hung in there for a good ten days before she died. Danna had a huge and amazing family. She had 11 siblings and they all made it to her bedside to see her. All in one night they saw her. The most amazing and beautiful thing I saw in those moments was the love between them. Danna’s mother, Ruth, came up to the hospital from three hours away. Ruth hugged her and Danna stroked Ruth’s hair. Danna could not speak but she had amazing facial expressions that spoke more than words itself. As Ruth pulled away and started to turn her back towards Danna, in such a childlike manner and in a way in which only a child could to their mother, Danna reached for her mother with the saddest torn frown on her face. This moment was so beautiful to me. It showed me that although death can be dark and hurtful, there is a beauty to be found there. The look on Danna’s face spoke words that were different for each person seeing this scene. To me, her face said “mom I have an owie, I need a hug; don't leave yet.”
The night before Danna died I opted to go home and sleep while Dave waited in the hospital with his Dad. That same night, Dave’s brother’s wife went into labor. Kieran was born at 2:00 in the morning and Danna died at 7:00. What an array of emotions to feel in one day. We were deeply saddened by the loss of an amazing and wonderful woman but yet happy because a new spirit had been brought into the world. Part of me felt guilty for being happy for the new addition because I knew how emotionally fragile our father was.
Death is out of our control. Death is inevitable. Death is not the end but merely a beginning into something more. What that more is, you decide before you die.

Love It or Hate It

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I was recently reading my friend's blog about an episode on the Oprah show regarding internet predators.  My friend was upset because Oprah was reading a document that internet predators want kids to read.  A sort of How -To book apparently.  The comments to this blog were about how disgusted they were that Oprah would read something like that to the world because it is letting people know how to go about doing disgusting things to children.  I have not seen this episode but have read about it online.   

Let's be honest, people do not need a how to book... that's what pornography does.  It's looking at pictures not reading detailed information on how to do these things.  

My opinion of this is not shared by my friend or the comments others have made. I am not disgusted by Oprah or what she presents on her show.  I commend her for taking such an intense and somewhat disgusting topic and bringing it to light.  People are aware of the predators lurking on the internet but I really feel they don't really get what they are capable of doing.  In her own mind I feel that Oprah thinks it is her job to bring these things to light.  Kudos to her because let's be honest, no one else appears to be willing to do it to the degree she does.

We have become in some way accustomed to censorship and that people get outraged when the news shows a dead person who may happen to have wet blood on them or they are not completely covered up... why is there outrage in this but not outrage when it comes to child abuse, domestic violence, etc???  Why is this okay?  C'mon.  There should be more outrage about the acts of violence and disgust that are happening in the world than towards the people who are bringing it to light. 

I work in an industry where I am confronted by violence, abuse, incest on a daily basis. It's disgusting but someone has to do it and someone has to be the voice of those who do not have one.  Oprah is the voice of those people who are victims.  She is also making a lot of predators angry for making 'normal' people aware of how to do these things. They don't want others knowing... just their 'crowd'.  

Kudos to Oprah and the other nameless people who want to make this world better by bringing the harder things to light.  Think about how little you would know about these topics if Oprah wasn't bringing them to light.  Personally, I like watching those shows because I am more educated about the topic and I can better prepare my children.  I cannot let my children live in a bubble and not know what is happening.  Things happen that we have no control over (outside AND inside the confines of a family).

Insults

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I have been insulted many times in my life. It comes with the territory of being a social worker and child protection worker. I'm used to it.  It is very different however when it comes from a video game.

We recently bought a Wii Fit. I love the Wii but was leery of this game until I tried it at a friend's house. I loved it. So there I was doing my strength training, pushups to be exact and let's be honest, I can't do the 'real' pushups. I do the girly ones. While I was doing them my 'personal trainer' tells me "I can see you aren't very strong".  All I could say was "excuse me, you don't know me." Then I hear my husband laughing in the background.  

I haven't done the pushups since.  

still intact

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I was going to finish the previous blog with an update but I'm not ready to go there just yet. So instead I will tell you about my slo-pitch experience from last week.
Dave and I joined a slo pitch league in the spring and continued it through the summer. We have really enjoyed it. I bought cleats, a bat and a bright new ball. Last week we were playing amazing and were finally winning one. I was up to bat and I wanted to place my hit between 1st and 2nd basemen because there was a gap and I am just that good. I hit it that direction but it was slightly short. It went straight towards the 1st basemen. Well she ran up to it and then started running towards me down the baseline. So I ran around her and had her beat. Keep in mind, I have lightening speed. When I went around her I either twisted my ankle and tripped over my other foot or I just learned how to run and tripped over my foot as I turned towards 1st base.
Picture it... me running full speed tripping. As I was falling I think I put my hands down but as I landed I still had momentum and kept skidding forward on my face using my chin as the brakes. Apparently when I fell on my face my legs came up and almost over my head (liken it to a scorpion tail). I think that was the amazing part of it. According to Dave and other teamates they could not comprehend how I did it and how I was not in more pain. As I lay on the ground people were asking if I was okay. The only thing I said as a turned my head was "I just want you to know, I am not crying." And I didn't cry... of course I wanted to but I was not going to be that person (or girl for that matter) no matter how much my face, elbow, knee, ankle and pride hurt. Forget it.
Next time that happens, I am going to run right over who is in my way. Or at least attempt to given my size.

On My Mind...

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I have been told I needed to write on my blog more frequently. So, this is the start of my attempt to do just that. I have had a lot go on in the last month or even in the past weekend but have a hard time articulating exactly what I want to say.
In the past month a friend's brother has died. He was 25 years old. That was hard because it was a friend and it seemed to be sudden and he was my husband's age. He was married 7 months. From what I gather from the funeral and what I already knew, he was pretty incredible. There is the sadness at the loss of a great person but my sadness was for the people left behind and the emotions they feel as a result of not seeing their brother, husband, son, or friend for a while. I also can't help but think, Dave one day will die. I just hope it's not sooner than what I want.
Seeing death and feeling its affects changes a person. I have found a dead body and I can probably say I have saved a person’s life. There is something remarkable in seeing someone who has already died and someone who is about to. Some people recognize it is their time and others force their way in when their time is not up. Regardless of the circumstances in how they left, there is always an expectation that person is coming home tomorrow.
I believe that things come in threes. Currently, I am waiting for number 3.
Number 1. Friday night Dave and I found out his step mom has a tumor in her brain. At this point nobody knows if it is benign or malignent. Regardless, things like this somehow happens to other people... not you or someone close to you. The first thing I thought was about the recent Grey's Anatomy episodes. All that comes to my mind is that God is in control and she is in God's hands.
Number 2. Last night my brother was in a pretty bad car wreck. According to one person, he is lucky to be alive. He dislocated his hip, shattered his knee cap, had glass stuck in his face, and was unconscious for 2 hours. The fire department had to cut him out of the vehicle. He will be okay though... just really sore and in pain for a bit.
I have to say that I don't mind being reminded how fragile life is and how uninvicible I am. I just wish the message came in different ways. I can sit here and say life is short but really, my life is as long and as full as I make it.

Listening To Music While Driving

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Does anyone else have a problem with someone listening to their iPod while driving their vehicle?? Both earphones in...

Earth hour!!! Sorry... Earth what??

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March 29, 2008 marked a international event: Earth Hour. Earth hour started originally in Sydney Australia in 2007. They thougth it would be a good idea to make the event international because of the success it had. Essentially what happens is that cities, towns, etc will turn off their power for one hour . From this people will realise how much energy they save and how that will save the earth from a downward spiral to hell.

When I first heard this I thought "what a fantastic idea!" Little did I know at the time how ridiculous it really is. I thought this for a few different reasons...

First: some businesses, in Calgary anyway, were using it as a way to make money. Come and rent a room at a hotel for an hour and not use electricity! All for the low price of 169$! Why not just stay home in the dark. Although it is a great way to spend 169$... I cannot think of a better way to spend that money.

Second: one news broadcasting company said "and we're participating by turning off all non essential lights in our stations across Canada"... my first thought was: if they are so non essential why bother having them in the first place?

Third: the city announced they too were turning off non essential lights. My statement above is not needed here. Apparently the non essential lights they turned off were on road ways that were high collision areas. Thanks for saving the earth but not lives!

Four: what is non essential lighting really?? Like I said before, if it is non essential get rid of it altogether. Why do downtown city buildings need all the lights on? I am sure a few would suffice and still provide a nice skyline to look at.

Don't get me wrong, the concept of Earth Hour is great. I like the idea. I think it is important for people to realise what things they do have and what they could possibly lose. After coming back from Nicaragua I have found ways to not use as much water. If it's yellow let it mellow... if it's brown flush it down. Not only does this conserve water it also saves you money. Energy works the same way... unplug things you are not using because they are still using energy and costing you money.

My husband and I participated in Earth Hour as best as we could. We unplugged most things and lit candles. We did, however, have to watch the hockey game. So did thousands of others in Calgary. This would explain why Calgary did not decrease their use of energy but in fact went up by 10%. Which 'they' blame on colder temperatures.

Granted Canada apparently had the highest participation rate... Oh canada!